Got that Friday feeling

The only slightly odd requests I’ve ever had, once or twice, were from client’s social workers, who had been on one- or two-day courses about welfare benefits and thought they were overnight experts.
Example, I did a DLA appeal in February for a client who was aiming to get DLA lower rate care component; (and did in fact get it, so won the appeal). His social worker turned up early to the hearing before I arrived, and handed the tribunal clerk a letter from the client’s medical records which I’d already excluded because it didn’t support his case. When I asked her why she had shown the tribunal a letter which was obviously not useful, (and without consulting the client or myself) she made out that she didn’t know that if she gave documents to the tribunal clerk, he would give them to the tribunal members. She then told me that I should have asked for middle rate, not lower rate, care because when PIP is introduced people who were previously getting lower rate care DLA would lose it. As though I hadn’t already thought of that, but the evidence I had about the client’s care needs didn’t indicate he qualified for middle rate care, even by a stretch. 
MORAL: if your client is going to bring a relative/friend/social worker as a witness at a tribunal hearing, make sure you meet them first so you can assess whether they will help or sabotage your case, and take action accordingly!

I had a request asking for the best way to get a clients daughters landlord sent to jail for breaking the law.

Apparently this horrid and nasty landlord was trying to evict this clients daughter, as she had spent the last 2 months housing benefit (paid direct to her) on a holiday and was therefore 8 weeks + in arrears!

The client wouldnt have it that her daughter brought all of this upon herself by simply blowing her rent on holidays etc, and was adamant that the landlord was breaking the law, as her daughter has a 6 yr old child.

In the mind/world of this client its apparently illegal to evict anyone who has dependant children. ??
Sounds more like this advice was given by some bloke at the bus stop, or from mary down the hairdressers methinks!

I wonder who gave this silly girl the idea that she didnt have to pay her rent!

Answers on a (small) postcard please!

Some years ago a client of mine turned up with two large bin-bags full of hedge clippings and demanded to know what I intended to do about it. I’m still puzzling over the answer to that one.

My first ever case as a freshly qualified CAB worker was a telephone call which went:

“There’s a racing pigeon in my kitchen, eating my cornflakes.  What should I do?”

I once got a call, along the lines of, I have just bought a box of bannanas and a giant spider has crawled out. “What should I do?”

Not being constrained, by a voluntary sector requirement to provide impartial advice.

I told the caller to stamp on it….

I went to a test match last year.

Group of 30 or so lads, 29 dressed as monkeys and one as a banana.  During a break in play, the banana jumped up to run around the stand and the 29 monkeys chased him each with a bunch of real bananas in their hands throwing them into the crowd.

Nothing to do with benefits but quite funny

Last week my client kept complaining about her Hercules tendon. I once had a case at CAB which involved possible malpractice by a vet. Healthy parrot turned into a polly gone. With visions of Norwegian Blues I had to bite my cheek as I talked, because client was very upset, and the bird was worth a fortune even twenty years ago.

Sometimes it’s hard to tell whether a person will qualify for ESA/DLA etc.  Few clients assist in this as well as the one whose AA form I helped complete who gave a large wink at the end of every answer.

And clients do make me laugh at times.  Just the other day one complained about being re-assessed for ESA.  “I passed the tribunal last year ‘with flying colours’”.  How many points did he get I enquired.  “15”,  he said.

Back in my CAB days, i had 2 unusual queries that stuck in my mind. Not about benefits.
Bloke was peacefully driving along in a rural area when a farm animal fell off/jumped over a wall onto his car. Car badly damaged (bloke, thankfully, unhurt) and he made a claim against the farmer. Farmer counter claimed about death of his animal.
T’other was a neighbour dispute where a wall had been built between properties and there was a dispute about boundaries. Client asked me ”  I want to know where do I stand on this wall?”

“T’other was a neighbour dispute where a wall had been built between properties and there was a dispute about boundaries. Client asked me ”  I want to know where do I stand on this wall?””

In a similar vein.

There’s much longer versions of those letter extracts going around. Used to spend a happy hour reading them when I worked for a housing association’s maintenance section.

My own personal favourite was a lady who told me that she had a leaky kitchen sink & that she “didn’t believe in bowls”.  My answer “Oh, they definitely exist” was apparently inappropriate!

I read an appeal submission for a client this morning.  She wrote in her ESA50 Questionnaire that her asthma is treated with salami.    (More likely to be salamol/salbuterol.)

I got a client over £5000 arrears of DLA after a review that took ages. She then asked me how she could get a walking stick on the NHS.

Ruth_T - 27 June 2013 07:19 PM

I read an appeal submission for a client this morning.  She wrote in her ESA50 Questionnaire that her asthma is treated with salami.    (More likely to be salamol/salbuterol.)

Talking about submissions for ESA, had one this week where DM states no points, therefore no entitlement. I looked at the ESA85 which states “claimant should be placed in the support group as there is a substantial risk to his mental health if he has to attend a JCP or undertake work-related activities”

Easiest submission for tribunal I ever wrote!

A benefit customer in my authority wasn’t happy with how we were dealing with her claim, and threatened to refer us to the Omnibusman….....

Had enquiry on an open door drop in session many years ago - guy asking where the nearest chip shop was…

When the lottery started….many moons ago….i had a client very concerned that if she won millions her benefits would be stopped :)

I could keep these coming all day, but my favourite by a Country Mile:

When I had just started as a CAB Volunteer in Morecambe, a client dropped his trousers in front of a colleague. She looked him square in the groin and calmly said ‘Is that your problem, or is there something else we can help you with?’

Not that I’d want to belittle the client’s problem…

No longer Friday - but I was on holiday then…..

When I worked in a previous post we were asked if ferries still left from the nearby harbour - not for a number of years apparently…......

Also, because the name included ‘Information Centre’ we sometimes got enquiries from non-locals looking for tourist information and making accommodation queries.

Mairi

The ferries story reminds me of an anecdote told to me by an Irish friend. He was on a station platform somewhere in Ireland when he overheard a man ask a station official when the next train to Limmerick left. Station official said: ‘There’s not been a train from here to Limmerick in 20 years’. ‘Oh’ replied the man. ‘It’s running late then?’

Many years ago, as a CAB volunteer, my client asked who to notify about a national crisis involving currants masquerading as raisins.

ruthch - 08 July 2013 04:08 PM

Many years ago, as a CAB volunteer, my client asked who to notify about a national crisis involving currants masquerading as raisins.

The Department of Currant Affairs?

That seems to be a raisinable suggestion.

Had a client last week, WTC overpayment case, and was more concerned with how to dispose of her per Rabbitt, he had died the day before. Was it against the law to throw it in the bin she asked…..

My all time favourite has to be what do I do about the Bay-Leaves

In my early days I had a client who I’d helped get DLA HRM and MRC (epilepsy and arthritis). Some weeks later he turned up at an open door session asking that I help him het compensation from his GP’s surgery because they’d cancelled without notice an appointment that had been booked for him to get injections….

Me: Why do you want compensation? You can only get compensation if you’ve suffered some kind of loss..

Him: I did - I paid for a taxi to get there.

Me: Why? It’s only round the corner - I know you can’t walk very quickly, but you’ve told me before that you can walk to your doctor’s And the appointment was at 1:00 pm - you had plenty of time to get there.

Him: I didn’t - I had to go to Bromley and I couldn’t get the bus back in time so I had to get a taxi.

Me: Why did you have to go to Bromley? Anyway, there’s at least two buses that go there and they are both really regular - you could easily have got there and back in time.

Him: I had to pay that £4000 cheque for arrears of DLA into my bank. And I couldn’t have got there and back in time - I couldn’t leave the house until 11:00 am.

Me: Why not?

Him: It was my mate’s birthday yesterday and I had a bit of a hangover…..

Whilst still a new member of staff in the local CAB one of my first client’s as an advisor came in with a HB form to be completed and in the box for disabilities she had put ’ explosive diarrhoea ’ so went to check with an experienced colleague if there was any thing else the client should claim for and he replied stick down for a 144 bog rolls!

Or the time when manning phone lines a caller phoned to complain he had bought a car and when driving down the M6 the ‘big end’ went, but due to the quality of the line it was coming across as though the ‘big hen’ went… had visions of a Big Hen running about the M6

As you are working for CAB, you should be using phrases such as “Staffing” rather than the sexist comment of “Manning”

Just today I rung a client to discuss her upcoming ESA Tribunal. She was telling me about her mental health and how the Doctor has prescribed ‘Marzipan’ to help her sleep!!!!

Now that made me chuckle!

I was doing a PIP form last week. 

Q) “Do you have any problems with hearing?”

A) “Yes, when the hoover is on.”

Can’t argue with that!