The joys of the contact centre

I phoned contact centre for breakdown of client’s benefits as he’d told me he thought he was paid IB, IS and SDA.

CC “He’s entitled to Incapacity Benfit but we pay him Income Support instead”

Me “That’s rather strange, would you clarify please”

CC “Well that’s what he’s paid” 

Me “Surely if he has suffcient contribution conditions for Incapacity Benefit he should be paid this in addition to any Income Support   top up. Do you mean he gets incapacity credits?”

CC “It makes it easier so we don’t have to pay him twice”

Priceless

Me: I think you have some training issues with regard to your contact centre staff. They keep telling my clients that you can’t make a claim for IS as a carer unless you are in receipt of CA

CC ‘superviser’: Errrrr you can’t??!!

Me: Hello I’m the Count of Monte Christo and I’m ringing on behalf of a client of ours do you want his national insurance number?
CC: Is the customer with you sir?
Me: No, but have you heard of the doctrine of implied consent?
CC: What sir?
Me: Imp lied con sent!
CC: How are you spelling consent sir?
Me: C o n s e n t.
CC: No sir.  I haven’t heard of that.  Is it something to do with tax credits?
Me: Nooo!  It is basically a doctrine that states that if I as an agent give to a third party sufficient personal information about a person then there can be an implication that I have his permission to seek a level of basic information commensurate to the level of personal information I provide.
CC: How are you spelling commensurate sir?
Me: C o m m e n s u r a t e.
CC: No.  Still not getting that.  Are you sure its got nothing to do with tax credits?
Me: Positive.  Look, can I speak to a supervisor please?
CC: I’m sorry.  They’re all in a meeting.
Me:  What!  All of them?
CC:  I’m afraid so sir.  It’s a very important meeting.
Me: Why, what’s it about?
CC: Improvements in customer focused services.
Me: That’s just jargon for better performance.
CC: I know sir.  Good isn’t it?
Me: What’s good about it?
CC: The jargon
Me: Oh terrific!  A bureaucrat’s wet dream.  But how does it help my client?
CC: It doesn’t sir. 
Me: Then why do it?
CC: It keeps the politicians happy.
Me: I’ll bet it does.  Do you know that you’re wasted there?
CC: I know sir.
Me: Then why do you stay?
CC: Because it gives me the chance to have these entertaining and rather amusing conversations with people like yourself sir.  Are you going to start shouting at me now?
Me: Why.  Should I?
CC: It might make you feel better sir.
Me: You’re enjoying this aren’t you?
CC: Rather.
Me: Can we talk about my client now?
CC: No!

Click.

Nevip that was brilliant.

I have got into the habit of hanging up the phone as soon as an adviser tells me that s/he can’t speak to me without the client present.

I don’t even bother with the *shhhhhhhhh shh shhhhh* to pretend that the line is breaking up anymore. I simply repeat this until an adviser says ‘how can I help?’

I call this the ‘lather, rinse, repeat.. (if necessary)’ approach.

You go girl!

Actually, it isn’t a skit.  It’s a sketch.
What’s the difference?
Well, ones got four letters, the others got six.
How about a compromise.  Let’s call it a sket.  Or a skitch.
You say tomayto, I say tomarto.
Don’t start!
Let’s call the whole thing off.

Call to LA about delay in determining a HB claim made by a private tenant:

Me: ...please can you therefore make a payment on account under regulation 93 Housing Benefit Regulations 2006?

LA: We don’t do those. They’ve been abolished.

Me: No they haven’t. I’ve got the law in front of me.  When were they abolished?

LA: A long time ago.

Me: I assure you they haven’t been abolished.  They are still in the legislation.

LA: Our rules say we don’t do those.

Me: But you have to follow the law [read out relevant part of reg 93]. You must make a payment on account.

LA: No Mr Bateman you’re wrong. We don’t follow the law, we follow the rules.

Another one:

Call to DWP contact centre with client present to make a claim for IRESA as client awarded CESA with support component, thus qualifying for EDP.

Me: She’d like to make a claim for income related employment and support allowance.

DWP: But she’s already getting employment and support allowance.

Me: Yes I know. She gets the contribution based ESA and she now qualifies for a top up of income related ESA because of the enhanced disability premium. 

DWP: Oh, can you get both types of ESA?

No need to fret for much longer about all those complicated premiums as they will be abolished under UC. Not only will the Govt. have found a cure for the economy by 2013 they will have discovered one for ill health / disability too!

Me: Can you send out an ESA claim form to my client?
BDC: She’s much better off claiming by phone you know.
Me: Maybe so, but in this case we want to use a paper claim.
BDC: It’s easier by phone. You know when you send the claim forms in, they tend to get lost. She should claim by phone.
Me: Yes, I do know that you lose forms, but even so, we want to risk it in this case. Can you send a claim pack?
BDC: No. You have to ring a different number for that.

—-

Pensions: The person dealing with that can give you a call back in the next 72 hours.
Me: 3 days? You know that jobseekers and esa can do a 3 hour ringback?
P: That’s the best we can do.
Me: Will you speak to me without the client here?
P: No, we couldn’t do that.
Me: The client can’t hang around the office for 3 days, while she’s here can you take her verbal consent for you to ring me?
P: No, we don’t do that.

My colleague was only promised a five day call back by the Pensions Service, so three days seems pretty good. 

And she was told she should be grateful, because ‘it used to be ten’.

Of course if and when they do phone back they will then ask the security questions to include information advisers can’t answer (like - what account does X have their benefit paid into?) and then say you have failed the security questions. Mention implied consent and the fact that they are calling you back and there is a stunned silence. Should you be fortunate to get through that process then the chances they can actually deal with your original enquiry?

Again, to be fair, ESA did admit yesterday they had failed to include an SDP after being sent all the relevant info. by us following a sucesssful DLA tribunal hearing and paid the arrears etc the same day!

Can’t resist adding this one:

Customer to CC: what does ADI stand for Anthony?

CC: Actually I haven’t got a clue….but we use acronyms all the time here and nobody knows what they mean so this is why a lot of the mistakes occur.

!!!

Google suggests it’s a toss-up between an adult dependency increase, or an area directors investigation.  Probably the former, I’d imagine.

Alternative Dispute Introduction

Local Authority contact centre: Who on earth told you that Mr Bla bla bla?
Customer: Welfare Rights told me that I could get 2 carers disregards and one SMI disregard

LA CC: quoff quoff quoff, I don’t think so Mr Bla bla bla… Welfare rights don’t know anything.. you probably spoke to an agency worker or something. I have just checked the system and you already have a discount on your CT bill and you can only have one so off you pop.

Customer calls me back for another issue but relays this conversation to me so I call a contact within the LA CC and raise this.. only to be told that the gentleman my customer spoke to that day was infact.. an agency contact centre worker!