fron Righsnet news 8/6/06

"Earlier this year, whilst 40% of claims were being dealt with manually because of problems with the computerised Customer Management System (CMS), the then Work and Pensions Mininster, Margaret Hodge, had told the Work and Pensions Select Committee that the quality of the service to claimants had not been affected. 'It doesn't impact on the proper delivery of the process (and) does not have the impact that is being suggested', Mrs Hodge had said."

what happened next?

did the select committee-
(a) burst into uncontrolable laughter which did not subside until the sargeant at arms had them hosed down?

(b) recommend she has a nice cup of tea and a little lie down and not to worry too much- her doctor will soon sort her out and she'll be as right as rain in no time?

(c) order a security services investigation to find out whether conspiracy by terrorists or aliens from planet zog was responsible for infecting the brains of british ministers to produce group delusions, or had even body-snatched their brains and replaced them with turnip-based substitute?

(d)......

(d) suggest she visits the parallel universe inhabited by welfs and disgruntled cls?

e) hand over her P45 and advise her to telephone her friendly local call center to obtain an A1 Income Support claim form?

g) Woke up and found that Blair had promoted her to position of Home Secretary and thanked him for his TV statement in which he expressed his full backing ( lo ng paus es ) in her grasp of the challenges she faced over *creeping chaos/multi-billion pound overspend/IT meltdown/misplaced criminals/UK Mars mission/Child support fiasco/acute water shortages/200% increase in gas prices/shortage of copper plumbing pipes...

*delete as appropriate

h) blame it all on the honerable member for Oxford East when he was captain of the good ship DWP and how lamentable it was that he had jumped ship (been forced to walk the plank) rather than stay on board and go down with the ship (standards of service).

d) burst into a chorus of "I'm a lumberjack" until halfway through a big foot appeared from the sky and squashed them all flat, to a voice over of "And now for something completely different!"