Just looking at the bereavement benefit section of CPAG and came across this..

"To qualify for bereavement benefits you must be a widow, widower or surviving civil partner. If you do not know whether your spouse or civil partner is dead, see p34"

Now in the absence of reading page 34, do you think this includes poking them with a stick...?

P34 actually says "poke them with a stick".

........aah yes, page 34 may well refer to poking expired spouses with a stick - but doesn't this then infringe their rights inder the Human rights Act to a quiet and peaceful demise....?

....and can you get a Social fund loan to hire said stick from your local "Spouse Sticks R Us" emporium..?

Bereavement benefits call centre: " Please confirm that your partner is dead"

Claimant: " Hang on a sec..."

*Bang*

" Yup...OK, what now?"

I expect this refers to missing persons.

Did you know you can make an advance claim for bereavement benefits...

Now that is fodder for a comedian!

I say, I say, I say! My wife’s gone to the West Indies.

Jamaica?

No, I drowned her in the bath, dismembered her body in the tool shed, wrapped each part in brown paper and scattered them across the moors but if anyone asks she’s gone to the West Indies.

Innit!